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23. Gate spotting

Eight weeks to go. The training is progressing though sometimes it feels like really hard work. I've been going through these gates a lot recently. But are they the gates of heaven or hell? Going one way leads through into the deer park. Past the church and the obelisk. It can lead to a wonderful world of antlered deer stags, ice houses, world heritage, buzzards, the foothills of the dales, and a cafe with scones with clotted cream and strawberry jam. Heaven on earth.  But it also leads to a very long mile uphill - the 'Studley Mile', up to it's very own Barkley gate at the top which I have to touch to complete a strength sapping speed interval. Eight minutes of hell doing each hill effort. Only to have to turn around and repeat, again and again. Or onwards through those gates at the top to do another 23 miles to complete a back-to-back-marathon-long-slow-trails-weekend. The thought of doing it is daunting.   Going the other way through the gate is usually good. It'...
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12. Reset

And, with a squelch, we're off (again)! Back on a (cough) slightly delayed and amended plan.  The knee has been set free. The troublesome flap of torn meniscus has been successfully nibbled off.  If only I'd had a crystal ball at the start...  Three months standard conservative treatment (which turned into four) of allowing the tear to sort itself out didn't work.  This conservative approach for tears like mine often results in what they call auto-amputation, meaning no need for surgery and all the complications that surgery can bring both in the short and long term.  However, surgery has now worked. So far.  Yay 😊. I walked out of the hospital following arthroscopy and partial meniscectomy that morning without needing to use the crutches they gave me, and managed a gentle half loop parkrun walk four days later, and a low resistence flat 40 minute cycle ride a further three days after that.  Regular knee exercises pre- and post-surgery have helped....
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11. A Wave of Joy

As I keep trying to maintain my aerobic fitness despite not running (the knee op has been pushed back to next week), it feels like a constant battle to motivate.  On one hand I have all the positive drivers: 'there's still plenty of time'; 'I am learning (and practicing) psychological techniques to keep going'; 'my strength and core exercises will stand me in good stead'.  On the other it's: 'there's not much time'; 'you're not even running'; 'you do know this is going to be impossible'; 'my knee hurts and it will take too long to recover'.   So, I've been trying to find some joyful positives to keep me going: Firstly whilst on a long cycle ride, when my mind was wandering almost as far as I'd ridden, I came up with a new mantra for my training based on my learning from talking to people who've been there and got the T shirt: More TOFU PASTA builds a LEJOG running master: More Time On Feet Using Psychol...
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10. A Midsummer Night's Dream

I've just finished reading 'Meditations from the Breakdown Lane', a book by James Shapiro chronicling his 3026-mile run across USA in the 1980's.  He describes the mental and physical strength needed, as his body and mind evolve, along with the ever-changing environment, with a 'will he/won't he make it' bit in the middle.  (Spoiler alert). He finishes, surprisingly not with elation, but more like how a dream ends.    My midsummer night's dream this week started in a hotel in Morecambe Bay.  I was meeting the runners and crew who are doing this year's LEJOG at Lancaster as they progress on their shortest day (only 24 miles) to Kendal.  I met them shortly after 8am at Lancaster Quay - who knew that Lancaster had a quay? - with old, tall 18th century warehouses, remnants from the textile industry - onto the tidal, wide River Lune, connected to the hinterlands by the Lancaster canal.  The runners and crew had been staying in Kendal and arrived in a coup...
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9. Spiralling

"I can make you a better a ultra runner in 45 minutes" and with that, the talk starts. I'm hooked.   I feel like a sponge, soaking in all this information, talking to various inspiring people I'm meeting through preparing for this challenge, and now here, at the OMM lite festival in Grasmere.  Not as a runner 😒 but as a supporter to my wife, son and some good friends who are doing the short course over 2 days 😊.  There's talks on various things as part of the festival.  This one is the 'Psychology of ultra-running'.  What did I learn? All of this is to stop a downwards spiral of despair and giving up when times are tough.  Understand your 'Why?' The more emotional it is the better.  When times are tough, having a 'why' that really does mean something to you helps.  Embed it.  Rehearese it.  It matters.  Goals are good - but don't define them by outcome - define them by process and keep them small.  Why? We are in control...
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8. Hopes and Fears

I'm really keen to get back to running.  Building my core strength and doing what aerobic exercises I can do is OK.  But I'm REALLY keen to get back to running.   The MRI shows a flap of torn meniscus curled over and irritating my medial collateral ligament.  It feels like I'm trapping my knee fingers in my knee door hinge every time I do anything physical or get it into certain positions.  My physio makes me feel better by saying how I've got remarkable movement considering what is going on in the scan. There were no fingers actually seen on the scan, to be clear. Nor doors.  I am so much better than I was but I still can't straighten my leg fully. Two weeks to go until 12 weeks from the tear and if not pain free and able to straighten, it's arthroscopy decision time at the knee clinic.  The other option is a steroid injection but that delays arthroscopy for another 3 months.  This is putting real pressure on my preperation for LEJOG.  ...
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7. Fingers crossed

Trying to be patient is hard.  I'm awaiting the MRI result on my knee which is improving, albeit slowly.  I couldn't fully straighten it, so something is physically stopping it.  When I was originally at the knee clinic it was 50/50 whether I'll need some keyhole surgery to tidy up the meniscus which is likely to have torn.  The outcomes from physiotherapy alone are the same as arthroscopy if I can get my leg straight - which seems to be happening.  Avoiding surgery and getting back to running will be like winning the national lottery.  Can I run soon? - who knows?   If I do need surgery, does it put my Petit Jog under threat? - who knows? If I don't need surgery now, might I still need it later if it happens again? - who knows? Uncertainty in my mind prevails - but there are things I am learning: If you do too much too soon it sets you back. It's a fine balance putting the right amount of stress on my knee without inflaming the meniscus more....
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6. Sorry

So what's that other charity I'll be fundraising for? I find it difficult to write about this. It is something I've hidden for many years.  I had severe ulcerative colitis in my mid 20's and needed my large bowel (or colon) removing.  I had a replumbing operation 6 months later called an ileoanal pouch . Only my nearest and dearest or those that knew me at the time when it all happened know.  It was when I was making the decision whether to do the LEJOG run that I had a light bulb moment. It was this that was stopping me. Not the physical challenge itself (although daunting).  My catastrophising mind asks how could I share a room with someone I don't know for 5 weeks, with my frequent and explosive ablutions, knowing that if I can't relax, the converse happens and I become a one man abdominal pressure cooker/washing machine, ready to blow? How can I manage to fuel myself during my run, knowing that if I eat anything it immediately makes me want to go to the loo ...
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